Uninvited

25% Porn

2005-10-31T03:23:00.000-08:00

He’s getting better at hiding his online activity, which is okay because I’ve snagged so much from his computer that I have tons to work on while he’s hiding the current stuff - which won’t work anymore anyway :D Gotta love being a bench warming geek.

Here’s his cookies – only 25% porn – imagine that….freaking A. I of course have changed his user name to “the pig” to protect his identity for the moment :DCookie:the pig@1.primaryads.com/
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Cookie:the pig@www.wilsonindustries.com/
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Update

2005-10-23T10:14:00.000-07:00

Update

I have a “user” account on his computer. We’d talked and he agreed to set up an account on his computer so I can access it. He wouldn’t give me an administrative account HA like that would stop me anyway.

You know on the surface you might be thinking that that is progress, but it no... He tried to manipulate me by implying that I was treating him like a child. I wanted to say, well if you wouldn’t act like a dam child I wouldn’t have to treat you like one, but I didn’t. I simply said Sorry you feel this way, what’s more important your feelings or our marriage? I didn’t let him weasel out of giving me an account (I don’t really NEED one anyone, but at least that way I have an excuse IF he catches me on the computer).

He is by the way very aware of how close I am to dumping him like it’s my job. He is actually pretty freaked out which I find hilarious. He’s not looked at anything online since Friday when we argued – I am pretty confident about that – he does believe however that he can look online all he wants at work so we’ll see. He’s aware that I run everything for him and without me; he’d be pretty well screwed. That works for me.

He apologized and admitted that he has a problem, but has been nasty as sin since then and barely speaks to me. Today he said he was grouchy because he was in pain and therefore was ugly to me. Write now he’s playing slots and chatting with folks online and laughing out loud I might add. What a loser.I am still perfecting my methodology – I am almost done with what I have from his current computer, but it’s very time consuming. So enjoy the email ad he received from when he signed up on Oct 17th – and yes, she looks barely legal.

Update on Fucktard

2005-10-21T17:10:00.000-07:00

Warning: This is an uncensored and necessary vent. Do not read this if you are easily offended or object to foul language.

Okay I was going to write this all out, but have changed my mind. Fucktard does not even deserve that much effort. He said today he deleted all the porn off of his computer (which is broken now ha ha fucktard) but of course I checked and he hadn’t. He apologized for the fight and whatever because he knows he’s very close to getting dumped.

Fuck him.

I will have all of my evidence posted soon for your laughing pleasure. Poor loser man.

In Lieu of Church

2005-10-18T03:52:00.000-07:00

Okay folks, this is going to be a little profane, so please bear with me.

Dear <insert my stupid husband’s name here>

You tell me that you don’t want to go to church for the following reasons: 1) You are tired (which you say if you are working overtime or not) 2) You are sick (You are always fucking sick), 3) You don’t feel comfortable after the conflict and resulting meeting we had (that’s funny you shook hands with the people and said you would trust them again..)

The truth is that you stay home from church while me and the kids go so you can look at barely legal pornography. I’ve come to realize that you truly are one sick BLEEP. Do you not realize we have daughters in this age range? You make me want to just throw my guts up right here and now.

It’s altogether sad and pathetic to watch your addictions spiral out of control – Vicodan, booze and porn – what a great life for you. I swear if I have to listen to you say one more time about how terrible your life is I will either hit you or throw up. You feel guilty because of all the secrets you keep twenty-four and seven and God knows there are plenty of them. Friday night when we actually managed to talk nicely, I gave you full immunity to tell me ANYTHING you needed to tell me and your response was, “Well, what is it that you think I did?” Any idiot can see that only a serious liar would say that because I would bet money there’s a hell of a lot more I don’t know about then what you say. Ask any other adult besides me what they expect from an answer like that and they’d tell you well there’s a whole lot of lying going on there.

Ironically when you are cold busted in a lie and get honest (which by the way is optional for you, you seem to think if you insist it’s not true that makes it so or perhaps you believe your own lies, beats me). You ALWAYS say, “that’s all there is – I swear”

It’s easy to be nice to you now because I am making no investment in you – I don’t expect you to get any better – in fact I am fully expecting you to get worse I only pray you can manage to keep your job until we can sell the house and I can be rid of you once and for all. You’re being awfully nice to me lately too – except that I know for a fact that it isn’t sincere – you KNOW I am done with you and you are scared. What other woman would have you – you have to ask yourself that – you know you do, and you’d be right to think there are not too many women out there how would say, “Oh sure, you can lay on the couch all day, look at porn and drink beer – I have no needs.”

You used to be a decent person – or at least you used to take more care in hiding the truth from me – I’ll never know which the truth is. You can’t even see or acknowledge how bad you’ve messed up me and the kids. In your great family’s tradition, your battle cry has ALWAYS been, what about me?

Hopefully with any luck and some work, I can keep this sick charade of a life up until I can be gone from you and trust me, I won’t be looking back – if I wanted a mindfuck, I’d do it myself, thanks anyway.

Your formerly loving wife.

Pictures and proof coming soon!

My Eight Year Old

2005-10-13T17:58:00.000-07:00

My Eight Year Old Daughter

One day my daughter crawled under my bed to pet the cat as she frequently does. This day, she found Penthouse pages under the bed brought them to me and said, “Mommy, Daddy is cheating on you”. These were her exact words to me. This was probably one of the saddest moments of my life for many reasons. One, she lost a certain amount of innocence in that moment – partly due to the exposure to a woman naked and spread eagle and partly because she’d been robbed at the moment of her blind faith in her father. This broke my heart.

When confronted, he lied, of course and said, oh those are so old I forgot I even had them. You know that just pissed me off because I said, give me the rest of the pages and when he took them out, they were someplace I had been checking in the recent past so I knew they weren’t that old. Not to be undone by a liar, I did some internet research on the name of the woman and found that she’d been the “girl of the month” only three or four months before. He swore he had nothing else and as part of the process agreed to discuss with our daughter what she had found.

Needless to say, that conversation never happened (big surprise there). I’ve talked to her on and off, but his silence speaks volumes to her. What can she be thinking? Well, if Daddy like to look at women spread eagle and naked, then I guess all boys do and if he does it then it must be okay?

So Thanks loser man for setting such a stellar example for our youngest child. Once again your selfish needs come first and foremost before anyone else. I’m not surprised at all.

In order to keep lengthy posts to a minimum and provide you with more factual details (dates and times) I am combining this post to show you who this man is. The thing with my daughter is not surprising because he wants her to have faith in him, even though it’s not even real, he’d much rather pretend that she does then confront the fact that his choices have negatively impacted her life. He’s so “I’m not responsible man.”.

My husband has been in the past a church leader, a youth group leader as a matter of fact. He has taught and testified to teens about how they ought to live. In fact he goes about the community pretending to be a great Christian, while all the while living this drunken sordid life that no one knows about.

I am rather amazed at the current amount of porn he is viewing daily and frankly, I don’t even know if I will have time to post it all here, that’s how much it is. He hides behind this sincere and innocent veneer all the while doing exactly what he wants. As he has recently said to me more then once, “I am an adult I can make my own decision and I don’t need you checking up on me”. Warning to single females – this is covert for I am going to dam well do what I dam well do. BIG red flag.

So thanks for robbing my daughter – I can only hope and pray that the other stuff she gets is enough to build her back up.

2005-10-12T19:38:00.000-07:00

Look this is his porn site of the night from yesterday. Yea, he might be looking for a fantasy, but I am thinking not too many women would consider him their dream date.

I used to get pissed, but now I just get even. A woman that looked like that would spit in his face, and so will once I am out of here.

The next installment will give you the break down of what he expects the world to believe about him and sadly for the most part they do. Unfortunately, I have been given a clear view of the dark pit he calls his soul.

Here are the rest of the picks from 10/11/05 - I have to convert the times, but I will do that later.

Believe it or not there's more for JUST this night....I think this proves my point anyway.

Some Background

2005-10-12T19:11:00.000-07:00

Some Background
I am writing this to give you a sort of birds eye view of this relationship from it’s inception. I would also like this to server as a SERIOUS warning to anyone who is involved with a man who is remotely like this – RUN, don’t walk to the nearest exit before you have kids and mortgage and you find out that your marriage it one sided and a complete sham.

In the beginning, things were different. I remember the first time I ever laid eyes on my husband. He can not say the same. I thought he was very handsome, but I never got to talk to him for a few years. He didn’t date much that I could tell – he had one short term relationship with a loser girl who cheated on him with three other guys and one long term relationship that ended badly.

1) This would be BIG RED FLAG #1 – Normal people do not have relationship cycles like this and usually if something ends badly, well there’s some sort of an issue.
We dated and seemed to be having a good time together. He was handsome, funny and he seemed so sincere. I had never met anyone quite like him and he really liked kids. At one point he said he wasn’t sure if he was ready to have a relationship and that he needed to work on himself (we were both recovering alcoholics at the time – this is very “normal” for people in the AA Program.)

You know honestly, I was rather touched by this show of honesty and sincerity. I thought it was awesome that he choose to be honest rather then make up some lame excuse to dump me. That’s what he told ME – the truth was he wanted to go on a date with a girl he’d been hanging out and friends with for quite some time before me. I didn’t find this out until about two weeks AFTER we’d gotten married. That same weekend my best friend in the world, who happened to be a guy was coming to visit and guess what – hubby man showed right back up where he left off. I guess he didn’t like someone else “sniffing” around his territory.

2) This would be BIG RED FLAG #2 – If a man dumps you and shows right back up because there’s “someone else” chances are it’s not at all about you – it’s about pissing rights, sorry ladies, that’s how it is.

After we were married, the truth came out. He insisted they agreed to one date and agreed that they were better suited for friendship and only held hands. By then of course it was too late for me to back out since we’d already gotten married. I also found out from his sister (who they went to see the night of the date) she’d met her. I played along like I was aware of the whole scenario and she spilled her guts. (That’s always a good way to get information you would otherwise not have access to.).

He denied, denied, denied. At one point in our marriage he got honest about it for a few years and has since gone back to denial. Now understand, I haven’t spoken to him about this in probably at least a good seven years – number one – it’s water under the bridge and he’s a liar – that’s what he does best so it’s pointless to get him to admit anything.

My point in this to anyone who isn’t quite so tightly bound to a questionable man, RUN AWAY. My best friend, the guy, and I could have hooked up if it weren’t for all this crap with my husband. I never saw him again because I felt since I’d made the commitment to be married, it would be inappropriate. The price I paid for picking loser man is so huge it’s scary.

You can’t change a man like this – really – all the love and support in the world won’t do it and you’ll be the one paying the price.

FAQs

2005-10-12T16:55:00.000-07:00

FAQs – You know you have them.

Wow, these seems kind of harsh, why not just I don’t know – talk about these issues?

The only person who would ask a question like that has never been gaslighted for nearly sixteen years.

Note: Here is the best explanation of Gaslighting I have found the web:

"Gaslighting" is a systematic array of techniques that destroys your target's mental equilibrium, self-confidence, and self-esteem, and is designed to drive your target nuts. Gaslighting is NOT conventional harassment or physical destruction, but highly refined and subtle psychological warfare.

Gaslighting is far more subtle, because most of the techniques NEVER CLEARLY POINT to a malevolent or vengeful other party. The hapless target never suspects that things are being done to him ... [EW: at first, anyway] ...he comes to believe he's DOING THEM TO HIMSELF!

(Credit to this website)Trust me – I’ve talked nicely, confronted, talked aggressively, pissed and moaned, bitched and ragged, nagged and just about any other word you can insert here for talk. The only thing that really happens is he changes the way he does things in order to avoid being caught.

Additionally, I’ve presented solid evidence (receipts whatever) only to be told bold face lies to my face. One time he even broke down and cried saying how he just could not believe that I did not believe him.

Yes, I’ve been gaslighted far too long now – I am taking my power back. Trust me when I tell you thanks to computer forensics, I can prove EVERYTHING posted on this blog as cold hard facts.

Why not just leave?

Trust me, I am, but no sense in screwing myself financially. I’ve been used this long, turn about is always fair play.

I thought you were a Christian, how can you do this?

I am a Christian, and trust me I have forgiven well over seventy times seven and then some – for real. The fact is that this is a form of adultery and I am tired of being run into the ground by his secret life. Once I have all the proof posted, you’ll see precisely what this has done to my family. Above all, there has never been one ounce of repentance – not one. Here’s a good article about this very topic.